god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
