I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
