White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
