You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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