I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
