I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
