um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
