We named our party play list daddy issues
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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