i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
