I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if only i could text you this smell
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
