After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
