Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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