Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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