i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
