need another drink. this is the easiest way
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
