Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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