When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
