hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
