so that wasnt chicken after all
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Randomize
