So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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