You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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