six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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