The maid of honor just puked.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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