Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
