Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
