dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
