your parents love me but you hate me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
