Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yo dont text me then not text me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
