i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
