HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
