Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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