I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
