dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
