Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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