I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
