I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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