if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
