Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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