sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me i tasted like america
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
