he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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