You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
