I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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