I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
