I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
