is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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