I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
