A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
