I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
