I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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