lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Randomize
