i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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