I will die if light touches me.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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